Industrial Gift Collector T-Shirts

'Wasn't that sweet of your father? For my birthday, he gave me a barrel of crude oil.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

Ball as water-melon.

"I love these old decorations!"

Sister Cities

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Posh Easter Egg

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

'Not till you're sixteen.'

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"Instead of wishes, I got you a gift card."

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

"Interestingly no - these are vastly enlarged images of my three favourite chromosomes."

'Are you admiring my embroidery, dear? To fully appreciate it you need these...'

Builders bum

Loud Quitting

Baron Frankenstein on Christmas morning.

"Stop pestering me. Dating you is the last thing I'd do."

'What can you suggest for a young lady who thinks she has everything?'

Snake accessories.

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

'Eric, who gave me a handmade bookmark for Christmas, gets a 62 percent on the midterm. Ann gave me a mug. She gets a 71. Gina gave me a weekend for two in Vienna. She scored a 98!'

'That's typical as soon as you snap on the light, they disappear.'

Just a friendly gift.

'Classy place. They even left a mint on our pillow.'

'He was just the same with my frankincense - more interested in the box!'

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

'Dang...too fast food!'

"We offer video games, snacks, t-shirts, coffee mugs, beer and wine. Oh, and we also we have a movie."

'Mom, Dad, I prefer gathering.'

'Mummy, why is lace so expensive when it is mainly holes?'

Modern Presents