Industrial Gift Collector Pillows

'Wasn't that sweet of your father? For my birthday, he gave me a barrel of crude oil.'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Ball as water-melon.

"I love these old decorations!"

Sister Cities

Posh Easter Egg

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

"Instead of wishes, I got you a gift card."

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

'Not till you're sixteen.'

"Interestingly no - these are vastly enlarged images of my three favourite chromosomes."

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

Builders bum

'Are you admiring my embroidery, dear? To fully appreciate it you need these...'

Baron Frankenstein on Christmas morning.

"Stop pestering me. Dating you is the last thing I'd do."

Loud Quitting

Snake accessories.

'What can you suggest for a young lady who thinks she has everything?'

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

'That's typical as soon as you snap on the light, they disappear.'

'He was just the same with my frankincense - more interested in the box!'

"We offer video games, snacks, t-shirts, coffee mugs, beer and wine. Oh, and we also we have a movie."

'Dang...too fast food!'

Just a friendly gift.

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

'Mom, Dad, I prefer gathering.'

'Mummy, why is lace so expensive when it is mainly holes?'

The Sea Angler: And warm sensible clothing is vital for full enjoyment of the sport.

Modern Presents