Profile Peeper Pillows

'I see from your profile that you are 5ft 3, have blond hair and like red wine.'

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 9.

"He gets easily abstracted."

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

'I know zero about the issue, so I can't be called a 'Washington insider'.'

"You're either the olive or the Martini."

"The women on these dating sites don't seem to believe I'm a prince."

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

Psychology 101

'I've been married 4 times...do you think my resistance is down?'

'Hello! Don't I know you from the internet?'

'Which one shall I get?'

Some Friends From Work

"Have you ever noticed that all our teachers fit the FBI's terrorist profile?"

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'Particles, particles, particles.'

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

"I'm less judgmental now that I've failed at everything in life."

'You can't get by on fluffiness forever!'

Kiss me quik dating service

"I'm still in shock. He had such a trustworthy avatar."

'I don't think it's a good idea to put the fact that though you've been indicted seven times, but you've only been convicted twice on your 'About' page.'

'So tell me about yourself. Where do you blog?'

Computer Dating Service: Be Careful What You Wish For!

"I've always felt I was a Taurus trapped in a Libra's body."

'I'm 50 percent lovable and 50 percent bitch. Don't push it.'

'Got one with a smaller check?'

"Nature lover my tailfeathers...I say he's a peeping Tom!"

'Do you, shoe online shop customer number 145583774, promise to love, honor and cherish electronic online shop customer number 9634217554...'

"Dude, loosen up!"