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"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

"He gets easily abstracted."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

"You're either the olive or the Martini."

Psychology 101

'I've been married 4 times...do you think my resistance is down?'

"Did he have any known enemies?"

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Man chooses head from cupboard.

'Which one shall I get?'

Some Friends From Work

"Of course I have an imaginary alter-ego. You'll find it on Facebook."

"Have you ever noticed that all our teachers fit the FBI's terrorist profile?"

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

Your online profile didn't say you were a bottom feeder.

'Sure I like him but I've only met him in real life. I have no idea what his online profiles are like.'

'If I were you I'd spend most of my time trying to be someone else.'

'You can't get by on fluffiness forever!'

"I'm less judgmental now that I've failed at everything in life."

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'And number five said in his profile that he was 6'2' and he turned out to be 5'7'.'

'Talk about snooty. She was listed as 'most likely to be googled' in the class yearbook.'

'So tell me about yourself. Where do you blog?'

'Sometimes she's like a wave, sometimes she's like a particle.'

"Dude, loosen up!"

The four personality types. Optimistic. Pessimistic. Cautiously optimistic. Cautiously pessimistic.

'Do you, shoe online shop customer number 145583774, promise to love, honor and cherish electronic online shop customer number 9634217554...'

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"I've always felt I was a Taurus trapped in a Libra's body."

'According to your social network activities, you're a man-mad, boozy little hussy. You can start working here tomorrow.'