Profile Scanner Pillows

'Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend... profile #6310712!'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

"He gets easily abstracted."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"I feel like there's a chick in me trying to escape."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

Guys looks in the mirror and sees himself as a prisoner.

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"I'm tired of being openly gay.I'm seriously considering going back in to the closet."

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

Columbus discovers ... his feminine side.

"You're either the olive or the Martini."

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

"Look, babe. At this point, you've reinvented yourself so many times you're back to who you were at the start."

Transgender Bathroom Debate

"I don't know...to me it seems like a cry for help."

"Prepare yourself for a shock. The birth records reveal you have a twin brother."