Profile Scanner Pillows

'Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend... profile #6310712!'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"He gets easily abstracted."

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"I feel like there's a chick in me trying to escape."

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

Guys looks in the mirror and sees himself as a prisoner.

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

Phone. Oh, no! My Clark Kent clothes are gone! Secret Identity Theft.

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"I'm tired of being openly gay.I'm seriously considering going back in to the closet."

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

"I was born into the wrong color. I'm not pink, Oh, doc, I'm so depressed..."

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

Columbus discovers ... his feminine side.

"You're either the olive or the Martini."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

"Look, babe. At this point, you've reinvented yourself so many times you're back to who you were at the start."

'When I googled myself, and nothing came up, I began to question my own existence!'

Transgender Bathroom Debate

"Prepare yourself for a shock. The birth records reveal you have a twin brother."