Profile Investigator T-Shirts

'Sure I like him but I've only met him in real life. I have no idea what his online profiles are like.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

"Every time I explore the corners of my mind, I have the urge to dust."

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Office of the Special Investigator: Stepped out to follow the 'money trail'.

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

"So then how do you explain trigonometry, tough guy!"

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"Say, Chief, any progress on the pencil case?"

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"