Background Investigator T-Shirts

'We did a background check. Dug up a fair amount of dirt. Apparently, you died months ago.'

'You think you're so clever don't you...you thought you could get past our recruitment safeguards...'

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

"The final phase of your background check... the bumper stickers on the back of your car."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"True crime meets reality TV"

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'