Professional Apologist Pillows

'I've never met a professional apologist before!' 'I'm sorry!'

Trial by Media

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Grace For Flies

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Thank you, Essential Workers

Slavery Reparations

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Garden variety allergies."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Detention Center

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

'It's looking good this time: I've been here for six months and the kids haven't lost interest in me as yet...'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

The problem is, too many people aren't the least bit particular about their arrows.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

"Try letting the ball come to you."

I'm tired of your games, Al. MY games? look who's talking! The guy with the role-playing hand puppets!

"They're class action figures."

Human Rights for All

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'Mum, it's not fair: The principal said I was not allowed to take nuts to school anymore...'

"Peace. Love. Adopt."

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"She was a rescue."