Professional Apologist Gifts

'I've never met a professional apologist before!' 'I'm sorry!'

Trial by Media

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Grace For Flies

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Thank you, Essential Workers

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

Slavery Reparations

"Garden variety allergies."

Detention Center

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'It's looking good this time: I've been here for six months and the kids haven't lost interest in me as yet...'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

The problem is, too many people aren't the least bit particular about their arrows.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

"Try letting the ball come to you."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Human Rights for All

"They're class action figures."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'Mum, it's not fair: The principal said I was not allowed to take nuts to school anymore...'

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"Peace. Love. Adopt."

"She was a rescue."

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.