Apology Expert Gifts

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

SORRY. FULL HOUSE.: 'You don't look very damn sorry!'

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"Have I been good or have you been bad?"

"Once, in a moment of weakness, I started several other families."

Tell Laurel that I'm sorry. I'll try to listen better. I'll pay more attention to her and I'll try to be less distracted. Our relationship is more important to me than some silly new Apple Macbook that is the thinnest most beautiful laptop ever constructed. She's more important than the sleek and sexy iPhone, the gorgeously rendered collector's edition of Grand Theft Auto IV, or the winsome pitch of an incoming text message. You'll tall her that for me? Not in so many words.

"Your basic rule of thumb should be,the bigger the guilt, the longer the stem."

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

"If I apologize again, will you take the arrow out of your hat?"

'Dear Santa, I can explain...'

Priest's 'To do' list.

Miracle on 34th street.

'I'm trying to make restitution for shredding the sofa.'

"Here it comes, another one of his classic non-apologies."

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I know I haven't been much of a master to you, but then again you haven't been much of a pet to me."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'My dog ate my computer.'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

Hunting Skool. What about your project, Oogie? The dot ate my homework.

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

"Once again one of your "I'm late because I was abducted and operated on by aliens" excuses?"

"OK, what have you done?"

Hyacinths