Probability Theory Gifts

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Orchestra.

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

'OK, everybody...'Louie, Louie' from the top!'

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

Suzie would later win a Nobel Prize for her Law of Special Social Relativity.

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

Sigmund Freud.

Yound Einstein disproves an early theory: 'Aha! A watched pot DOES boil!'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

Let's Celebrate

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."