Theories Gifts

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

Testing the 'All we can do is sit and wait' theory.

'Did you ever feel like you were just the control in an experiment being carried out on somebody else?'

"Oh dear, they're not as intelligent as we thought."

'First particle theory, then wave theory, then plasma theory, and now lime gelatin theory.'

Yound Einstein disproves an early theory: 'Aha! A watched pot DOES boil!'

'Oh, it's not a spell -- it's a new economic theory.'

Learning Theory Therapy: Cue/Drive/Response/Reinforcement.

'Doctor Luftkopf is working on a United Field CONSPIRACY Theory.'

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

'...Since the wavefunction can't simultaneously collapse in two distinct places, I conclude that so-called 'doppelg?nger' are not theoretically possible...'

'Thinking about string theory again?'

'Very clever, Gödel — your theory has a built-in disclaimer!'

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

'He's a case of unintelligent design.'

"No offense, Hank, but this parallel universe theory of yours is a little far-fetched."

'Don't believe everything you hear about global cooling, it's just a theory.'

''Relativity,' you say? — Well, it can't be any worse than your 'speed bump' theory.'

'Sorry, Professor Kleinzweck -- your 'Chaos Theory' program just crashed.'

Gregory became an unpopular character after testing his theory that 'all fish could fly'.

"Do you think my followers will mind of 'Martin's Theory of Everything' ends after just three installments?"

'Oh, about your theory - Heisenberg thinks he's found a loophole.'

CONSPIRACY, INC: 'Right now we're looking for the cryptic message in E.I.E.I. O.'

'Kleinzweck has a theory that the strong nuclear force is actually tiny rolls of duct tape.'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

Where is everyone? The Little Bang Theory.

Conspiracy Theory Convention. Doesn't it worry you that someone went to so much trouble to get us all in the same place at the same time?!

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

Sadie, I saw something disturbing on Youtube. A theoretical physicist named S. James Gates Jr. was attempting to discern the elementary structure of nature. It let him to a set of equations that were indistinguishable from computer code. Computer code, he found, is written into the equations that describe the cosmos. Do you have any idea what this means? It means it might be true that we're all part of a simulation! I'm assuming you've stopped talking, since your lips are no longer flapping.

Life on earth was simple and stupid until suddenly complex life exploded all over the planet during the Cambrian period. At about the same time, Venus was probably habitable. One theory is a huge asteroid smacked into Venus, blasting life out into space. Months later, that life fell down to earth and ipso facto that's why you and I are here. The "big smack" theory is gaining widespread acceptance. Really? As in peer-reviewed studies? No, as in "likes" on the "big smack" video I posted on Youtub

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

"Mine's bigger than yours."

Little Free Conspiracy Theories

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker