Prize-winning Ponderer Gifts

'As I see it, it's a toss-up between a Belgian data processing machine and an American electronic computer.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Have you been playing dice?"

Shakespeare was bisexual

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

'...and that is my philosophy.'

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."