Privateer Gifts

Landlubbers ONLY!

The captain realised that if he were to continue to strike fear into mens hearts, he must never be seen in a state of undress.

'Any of you guys got a 'C' reg corvette?'

''Up, up, and away!' -- big deal!'

Introducing: Eye-Quit. The Nicotine Patch for Pirates...

Pirate: 'No No No,you BLITHERING Dunderheads! We do that AT Sea!!'

"So after six months of dating only NOW do you decide to tell me that you're a pirate?"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"Next time I'm getting a parrot instead of a woodpecker!"

"I'm sorry but the bubbles make me giggle."

"How many letters can you read?"

"Oui, je suis Francaise. . . How did you know?"

"Watch out for his left hook!"

"Same ship, different day."

"When I said let's scuttle her. I meant that ship over there."

The Anti-Agent

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

hard-boiled egg...

"Elementary, my dear Watson- the cartoonist did it."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Betty liked the way her house provided lots of private space.'

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

The Philip Marlow family

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Detective and child follow footprints using magnifying glasses.

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

"I spy with my little eye…"

"That's hardly necessary!"

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a