Private Reader Gifts

Man reading sex book

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"There she be, lads, the special economic zone!"

'I'm not working on a case, I'm looking for something interesting to read in the john.'

"How many letters can you read?"

"Speed reader...?"

Ok, ok, last page.

"So you can tweet. That's why you have to learn the alphabet."

"Delivery."

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

'Books are okay, except they only get one channel.'

'I couldn't put the book down... I had peanut butter and jelly on my hands!'

Bib's E-Book Readers.

Landlubbers ONLY!

'She said to read between the lines to infer the answer, but it's hard to see in between them because they're so close together.'

Pirate Artist

"When I said let's scuttle her. I meant that ship over there."

"Same ship, different day."

"I'm sorry but the bubbles make me giggle."

Introducing: Eye-Quit. The Nicotine Patch for Pirates...

Castaway reading a magazine from a bottle

'How 'bout finishing the story, mom. It's past dad's bedtime.'

"He calls it the eBible."

Down with leather bookbinding. Read paperbacks.

"...I'll sit here pretending to be interested but I'll actually be writing a shopping list and fantasising about my plumber!"

I'm here for my training course. - 'Please take a seat' - 'Ah... ten blissful minutes to read the paper in silence.' - '' - 'Did you park in the red bay?' - 'Yes.' - 'Big mistake, 'half pint'. You can't park there.' - 'But...' - 'Move it!!!' - 'Okay, ok

"Is the screen lock on? When I turn the book, the text doesn't reorient itself."

The captain realised that if he were to continue to strike fear into mens hearts, he must never be seen in a state of undress.

"Have you got the abridged version?"

"Next time I'm getting a parrot instead of a woodpecker!"

"Watch out for his left hook!"

Tax Simplification made simple

"So after six months of dating only NOW do you decide to tell me that you're a pirate?"

Introverts' Heaven