Privacy Pundit Gifts

"It's a baby. Federal regulations prohibit our mentioning its race, age, or gender."

"No, I'm not backing up our files–I'm just assuming that the F.B.I. is making copies."

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

"Your test results came back but due to privacy regulations I can't tell you anything."

New office equipment will greatly increase your productivity. This won't go unnoticed by higher-ups!

"You clicked a box on your phone allowing us to use your location."

"Invasion of privacy? You should be flattered we're so concerned about satisfying your consumer desires!"

'You told someone I was away from my desk. That's way too much information.'

"Don't open that one, it's top secret."

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."

"Our Hippa policy doesn't protect your privacy if you post your medical results on social media."

Airport security - next step?

See picturesque Denville...Parabolic Mike - hear the inhabitants' intimate conversations.

'If Edward Snowden wants anonymity, he should try to win The X-Factor.'

Coffee Caf

"Here's the problem -- your fourth wall is broken. That's why you keep seeing all those people out there."

'We're at that awkward age between when our life history isn't on any database and when it's on too many.'

Things you should know about...

"On the bright side, the NSA is done tracking you."

"You know, the doorway is never going to get popular until somebody invents the door."

'I think its being tapped.'

National Secrecy Agency.

Presidential surveillance ass!"

The Anti-Agent

"Too crowded. Let's go."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."