Privacy Policy Pundit Gifts

'Under the new privacy law, you can't tell me any of your symptoms.'

'You know when kids are good or bad? Are you part of government surveillance?'

The Anti-Agent

Hate Platforms

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Too crowded. Let's go."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

"The Wi-Fi password is publish 'publish or perish'."

"Our government is proud announce a whopping 1% GDP growth at the small cost of climate change nearly wiping our indigenous tribes out."

Trump Will Protect Obama's Legacy

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

Police Statetion

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'