Prison Consultant Gifts

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"I've dabbled in espionage, but my main area of expertise is self-sabotage."

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"Welcome to your new home Sire. There isn't an enemy in the land that will penetrate these three foot thick stone walls."

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite, Surveillance.

'Don't give me that junk! — We spies don't either have to stick together!'

'Our crime figures are down!'

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

MI5 Press Office

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

Car robbers foiled by mousetraps surrounding a car.

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"I found a partial thumbprint. Let's get the heck out of here"

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"As part of our new privacy policy we stopped using hidden cameras."

'Apparently 'executive assistant' is just a fancy term for scapegoat.'

"I just installed a home security monitor."