Primitive Lifestyle Humorist Gifts

The First Tax Authorities. We only audit gatherers. Auditing hunters is too dangerous.

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

The invention of the wheel and the axel.

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

Mammoth Posing

The Sensitive Dude.

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

Late Bloomers

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

"Now do you believe me?"

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

Rocket charmer.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"This is the life eh.?"

The Farmer, The Log And The Log's Attorney

Woolly tofu.

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"

"The trouble with this town is there is no day life."

'God darn it Tex! I kept telling you if you keep on punching cows one day one is going to punch you back.'

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"

"Man's first total solar eclipse"

The Stepford Cows...

Castle with parking lot.

'Sure I eat three desserts but each trip I put only one dessert on my plate. That way I walk off the calories.'

'We've got food, shelter and clothing.. and now you want DISHES?'

"Great spot, Al. I didn't know there was anyplace left that permitted cigar smoking naked."