Primitive Lifestyle Humorist T-Shirts

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

The invention of the wheel and the axel.

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

The Sensitive Dude.

Mammoth Posing

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Late Bloomers

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"Now do you believe me?"

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

Rocket charmer.

The Farmer, The Log And The Log's Attorney

Woolly tofu.

'God darn it Tex! I kept telling you if you keep on punching cows one day one is going to punch you back.'

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"

"Man's first total solar eclipse"

Castle with parking lot.

The Stepford Cows...

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"

"The trouble with this town is there is no day life."

'We've got food, shelter and clothing.. and now you want DISHES?'

'Sure I eat three desserts but each trip I put only one dessert on my plate. That way I walk off the calories.'

"Great spot, Al. I didn't know there was anyplace left that permitted cigar smoking naked."

Lager drinker and a vegetarian eating together.