Primitive Kitchen Chemist T-Shirts

"There's got to be a better way to make butter."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Grandma's caf

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

In the DNA Kitchen

Jeff's Smorgasbord

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

Olive Oil

I bake my own bread.

"First you make a roux."

"It's made from all our old leftovers. I call it 'Rescue Casserole.'"

"Ah! dehydrogenated non-milk fat solids with a soupcon of deoxyhydropesane and sweetners...just like mum used to make."

Genetically-Modified Foods: Are they safe?

"When you have a moment would you mind browning the meringue?"

"The toaster is broken again, sweetheart."

Baker

'All our family's creativity is channelled into finding ways to gain weight.