Pretentious Language Detectors Gifts

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Oh, this old thing?"

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"You notice all the books behind me...one of these days I'll get around to read one."

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

Scouse For Beginners

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"I wouldn't read that book, dear... it's only there to impress visitors."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"I detect an accent – money?"

Foodies at a Diner. We'll have the alphabet soup, unless it's Helvetica or Times New Roman.

"Your body language says you've lost interest."

'Jim I don't think you have quite go this 'Iron Man Challenge' thing.'

"Frankly, I don't believe his tastevin is in the repair shop."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

Cowboy on horse sees diretion sign for 'thataway'.

"Our researchers have discovered that 'E' is the most common, and only, letter in the dolphin alphabet."

''Pop'? In my part of the country they're called a 'Soda-Tart'.'

"Something’s wrong. I can tell by the way you’re being nice to me."

Quality Control

'I'm afraid he has sweeny flu.'

"My French is OK but you should really see my Reportese..."

Protection Plan for Ancient Stones - 'Why don't they just make them stop touring?'

Is (petroglyph symbol) one word or two?

'My course covers all the dead languages.'

'Birmingham AY to ZEE'

'After 15 years in management I've learnt how to read people. I can sense that there's something wrong.'

'I'm not paying for another misspelling, and give me back the rhngchtanza!'

'And LET that be a lesson to you! Next time pick on someone your own shoe size!' (the aftermath of a shoe fight)

'Please don't judge a book by its curse words.'

I say if life gives you tapens, make tapenade.