Pretentious Decorator Gifts

Inferior Designer

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Filet minion

Man with raked leaves on wall plaques.

"I love these old decorations!"

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Yard Sale

The Hammer

"Can that be right?"

Pinata Trophies

'Davinia! Your Feng Shui person's here.'

An assortment of vegetables in the form of Tables

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'There, that should freak 'em out.'

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

Hunter in stand in a Christmas tree tied to a car.

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

Frankenstein's Reading Light

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

Lad to man behind desk: 'I notice your fish is 10 times larger than your picture of me!!'

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Dare to be different.

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

Jackson Pollock the Spider

If you can read this, you're standing too close.

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

Robotic Flower Arranging