Pretension Puncturer Pillows

'You got a wine that will go well with bullshit?'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

Some unusual family photographs decorate podiatrist's desk.

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

A Semicolon.

A Tongue Stud.

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

Autumn Leaves

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

Saloon Selectives

"How about a self-inflating-a-flat-tire car?"

'Never accuse me of not lending a hand. I've just sewn your bicycle patch on.'

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

"I insisted on the quotation marks."

Acupuncture Treatment Room. My acupuncturist used placebos on me today.

I brought two #1 pencils.

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"No, I took my coffee break before coming in."

Teacher to students: 'A penny for your thoughts, but only if you're here on scholarship.'

'Sorry I'm late for my interview. There was a leaf on my driveway.'

'You're fired Jenkins! You're just not getting in early enough!'

Cow wrestling with ring through nose.

A beginner's guide to being a sociopath

? F E. Give me a big smile and wave to the camera. Ah, you're posing a question.

Fakir Repairs

"I though Adams was supposed to be a jogger? He's late for work and he isn't jogging!"

The God's football

Man kicking an exclamation mark.

A new partner is sworn in.

Golf Cart Punctures

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."

"I'm fine-tuning my time management skills, so I might not be showing up anymore."