Pretension Puncturer Pillows

'You got a wine that will go well with bullshit?'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

Some unusual family photographs decorate podiatrist's desk.

A Semicolon.

A Tongue Stud.

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

Autumn Leaves

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

Saloon Selectives

"How about a self-inflating-a-flat-tire car?"

'Never accuse me of not lending a hand. I've just sewn your bicycle patch on.'

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

I brought two #1 pencils.

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"I insisted on the quotation marks."

"No, I took my coffee break before coming in."

Teacher to students: 'A penny for your thoughts, but only if you're here on scholarship.'

'Sorry I'm late for my interview. There was a leaf on my driveway.'

Fakir Repairs

'You're fired Jenkins! You're just not getting in early enough!'

A beginner's guide to being a sociopath

"I though Adams was supposed to be a jogger? He's late for work and he isn't jogging!"

Man kicking an exclamation mark.

The God's football

Golf Cart Punctures

"I'm fine-tuning my time management skills, so I might not be showing up anymore."

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."

'-it was an attractive young lady collecting for the new acupuncture Unit.'

'Hey, it's my first retirement check!'