Press Junkie Pillows

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"Gentlemen, I am happy to announce that as of today we are closing down our Washington news bureau and moving the entire operation to L.A."

Trial by Media

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Occu-Pie Mars

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"You're fired."

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"Good boy."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

Squeezing the Free Press.

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Trump pardons

UK border controls relaxed.

"Who's got the hammer?"

Neo-International Law

Oligarchy

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

She was warned. Nethertheless she persisted.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Away with the warmonger!"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."