Presiding Officer Gifts

Magician visits their polling station.

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Showbiz Awards

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Reagacentennial

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"What was I thinking?!"

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Parade of Businessmen

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

Barack Obama's To Do list.

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."

Newspaper suicide.

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

John F. Kennedy

"Gracie, what does a little girl like you wish for? I mean, besides being a doctor, a motivational speaker, a great parent and becoming president?"