Presence Maker Gifts

Wasn't sure why, or even what it meant, but sometimes he just needed to make his presence felt.

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"It makes a statement, but it begs a question."

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

'I got tattoos to make a statement, but my teacher said I could do the same thing by joining the debating team.'

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

'This next one I wrote myself. It's about pain, misery and heartbreak, until I finally wised up and dumped him.'

"You'll really like this next song. I wrote it specifically to be a ring tone!"

'Franklin, you need to put more life into your presentations.'

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

Musicians.

"You've done it, Martin - you've taught him to smile!"

'Maybe next time. I never kiss on a first date.'

"Now you've done it!"

"Howard, you've met my ukulele ladies before."

"If you retweet it and you have '0' followers, was it retweeted?"

"We're potty training."

Prompter malfunction. You're on your own.

'I hope it's important, he hates being interrupted during his trombone practice.'

"You'll go places in this company. Not really, but with our green screen, we can make it look that way."

'The other way! that play went the other way! ... That's a decoy!'

'Relax, sir?I think it's just a fashion statement.'

'I always say you can't have a spontaneous grass roots movement without a little seed money.'

'Your back is never going to get better until you stop playing the piano with a walking band.'

"This shoe proudly announces, 'I a am post-feminist'."

Well spoken man.