Prescription Jester Pillows

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

A baby in court

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

Disorder in the Court!

"I don't plead."

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

"...And now show us what you said."

'Make sport of the Queen.'

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

'My client asserts that walking on land was his idea and he therefore claims 50% of all subsequent profits.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."