Prescription Jester Pillows

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.

'Make sport of the Queen.'

"I don't plead."

Disorder in the Court!

"...And now show us what you said."

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

'My client asserts that walking on land was his idea and he therefore claims 50% of all subsequent profits.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'