Medical Jester Pillows

'Actually, the loud ringing has stopped, now I hear knocking.'

Doctor to patient: 'Alcohol is fine, as long as you don't apply it internally.'

"I always find that you get seen quicker if you sit like this."

'What do you mean 'don't expect miracles'? Why shouldn't I expect miracles?'

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

'I wouldn't wait too long, for a limited time banks are offering low interest loans on coronary bypass surgery.'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

The last 'take your mother to work' day.

'I did a blood count and only got a 12.'

Man in hospital bed with a drip has placed his false teeth in the bag

"Business or Pleasure?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"We're trying to save your husband."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

A baby in court

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."