Pharmaceutical Jester Pillows

I'd like to report an adverse event.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Disorder in the Court!