Prepper Humorist Gifts

End of the World

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Emergency Hipster Beard

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Pope tarts.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

Sermon Applause.

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Gangsta wrap.

The Pope

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

Hipster Police Department

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Holy Guacamole.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

Nun reading 'Halo' magazine

'Maybe you should see an attorney if it was over somebody's head you broke the tablets.'

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"