Doomsday Prepper Jokes Gifts

The End of the World is Near: Information Supplied By A Reliable Source Who Wishes To Remain Incognito.

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

The End is Nigh

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

'We need to change our marketing strategy.'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"Make sure you get payment up front."

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

"Every time Trump wins a primary, we get one step closer."

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

When a nanosecond is forever.

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

I survived end of the world after party.

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"

"Don't sweat the huge stuff."

'I've been carrying these placards around for over twenty years! It's about time!'

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

An doomsayer stands at a waterfalls' edge.

Llamageddon and the Alpacalypse

"Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!"

'Make appointments for all the people I don't like using the Mayan calendar.'

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."

"Actually, I will have fries with that."

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

'If the Mayan calendar is right, how should I back up my files?'

Eviction Notice for Earth

"Somehow I feel safer now that we scored all the toilet paper."

'The earth's protective magnetic field is weakening! The sun will incinerate us all!'