Prepper Humorist Pillows

End of the World

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Emergency Hipster Beard

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Sermon Applause.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Gangsta wrap.

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Holy Guacamole.

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

Hipster Police Department

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

Nun reading 'Halo' magazine

"And then, after they were done with their bodies, they baked them at 350 degrees for an hour."

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

'Maybe you should see an attorney if it was over somebody's head you broke the tablets.'