Pregnancy Satirist Gifts

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

Pregnant vs. Old.

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

101 Placenta Recipes

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'