Predictive Analytics Buff Gifts

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

"Some good predictive analytics software would have really helped us avoid this mess..."

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

"We no longer use Astrology or crystal balls. We now use algorithms to predict the future."

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

"Heads, we go with the analytics. Tails, we don't."

'Ahh...I see you travelling far and wide on a long fruitless mission but you still can't find a town centre parking space this Christmas...'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

Data security officers run frantically out of reactive data security room, while another data officer relaxes in the predictive data security room.

'What's the use? Everyone has his own PC future-probability program these days.'

'According to the latest data, our social media post rankings are staying fairly consistent with consumers, hovering just below cat shaming memes.'

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

A self-filling prophecy.

'I'm looking for a short synopsis of the future in digital format.'

'The recurring poor enrollment prognostications plays havoc with our school district's budget. What will next year's enrolment be.'

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

"Johnson's our head of forecasting, he alos works part-time as a successful science fiction writer."

"This predictive software shows us exactly how you're going to mess up and be fired."

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

"Having conducted a thorough analysis of the data it appears clear that profits will go either up, or down, unless of course they stay the same."

Grocery store has no data team to help with customer's shopping experience.

Hello National Rail Enquiries.. mystic meg speaking.."

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

"Economists, and these days we're missing more and more of the poor souls."

Nostrildamus.

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

"It's not a spike in crime, it's a spike in REPORTING crime that was there all along. So... that's better, right?"

A Fortune-teller clicking on her mouse attached to her crystal ball.