Praying Pillows

'Oh - you're there! I was hoping I could just leave a message.'

I dunno. What do you think I should do? Finally… the moment he'd been praying for.

"Pray only for peace, love, strength and forgiveness. Never, ever spam the Lord."

God laughs with you, not at you - unless you pray for something stupid.

Serenity Prayer.

"Say the whole prayer, none of this et cetera, et cetera..."

'I didn't realize my mom thought so much of our school. . . she's been thanking God for it everyday lately.'

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

'Dear God, if there's a patron saint for car batteries...

'And in conclusion, I'd like to say - it's been a pleasure talking to you.'

Knee-Mail

"Now that's commitment!"

"I've done all that golfing science can do for your swing, Doc -- now I suggest you pray."

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'God, if you get me back to shore I'll give you everything I own... How about ten percent plus community work...'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

"How's my praying?"

"Help me at the spelling bee tomorrow...to be confident...to do my best. If I win, that's great...but if I don't, help me remember that in the grand scheme of things...it's only a spelling bee."

Fred prays that he remembered to put on clean underwear that morning.

When telemarketers pray.

"...I'm at the end of my tether and don't what to do. I can remember the username - it's just the password..."

"Roger and Out."

'God Bless What Iguana?'

'God bless daddy, mommy, sis and that golf course I bought with dad's credit card.'

Pray as you Go.

Amen

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls but your prayer is important to us so please stay on the line and one of our ....."

Clergyman prays for divine intervention.

Do you have any pull with the IRS?