Praying Pillows

'Oh - you're there! I was hoping I could just leave a message.'

I dunno. What do you think I should do? Finally… the moment he'd been praying for.

"Pray only for peace, love, strength and forgiveness. Never, ever spam the Lord."

God laughs with you, not at you - unless you pray for something stupid.

Serenity Prayer.

'I didn't realize my mom thought so much of our school. . . she's been thanking God for it everyday lately.'

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

"Say the whole prayer, none of this et cetera, et cetera..."

'Dear God, if there's a patron saint for car batteries...

"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

Knee-Mail

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'And in conclusion, I'd like to say - it's been a pleasure talking to you.'

'God, if you get me back to shore I'll give you everything I own... How about ten percent plus community work...'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"I've done all that golfing science can do for your swing, Doc -- now I suggest you pray."

"Now that's commitment!"

"How's my praying?"

Fred prays that he remembered to put on clean underwear that morning.

'God bless daddy, mommy, sis and that golf course I bought with dad's credit card.'

When telemarketers pray.

Clergyman prays for divine intervention.

Do you have any pull with the IRS?

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'God Bless What Iguana?'

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

"...I'm at the end of my tether and don't what to do. I can remember the username - it's just the password..."

"Help me at the spelling bee tomorrow...to be confident...to do my best. If I win, that's great...but if I don't, help me remember that in the grand scheme of things...it's only a spelling bee."

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls but your prayer is important to us so please stay on the line and one of our ....."

"Roger and Out."

Amen

"Perhaps if you gave me one big lump sum of cash, I wouldn't have to keep asking for small amounts all the time."