Prayerful Comic Pillows

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

Super Heroes.

My God, I need to fart.

"Eat me"

No littering...

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

The Alpha Seltzer

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'I say we invade and secure all those renewable resources.'

'Sorry, everyone. That last chart kind of startled me.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'I hate Mondays.'

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

"What part of 'giddyup' don't you understand?"

'Who wants to be examined first?'

What do you suggest we do about this?

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"Our new automated workers need a little fine tuning, but they're coming along..."

Obama Healthcare.