Spiritual Comic Pillows

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

'I liked the loaves he gave out last week better. The ones with the little poppy seeds.'

'Sorry about this, but SOMEBODY has to be the Patron Saint of Politicians.'

"Abigail! Noooooooo!"

"Patrick Donovan! It was ten Hail Mary's I was sayin'...not bloody mary's!"

'The church offering was really down this week, we received three I.O.U.'s.'

'Press one to speak to God, two to speak to another operator, and three to pass straight into heaven.'

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Damn defibrillators.

Applause

"God may have forgiven you, but Hoskins, Danner & Smythe, LLC, have not."

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

"Gimme a break, guys, it's just until I get the hang of it."

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"Closed until further notice."

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

'Yeah, my head gets cold, too, but the hat sends the wrong message.'

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

Money or no money, root of all evil?