Practicing Law Gifts

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, but I feel it would be best for my client and I to continue to exchange furtive, sidelong glances."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"How should we divide the teams?"

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

Barristers

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

New York Corruption - Auditor Watson's Death, and Suspicions on Broadway Works Project

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

'So, come back in fifteen minutes?...Twenty?'

Jester Surgeon

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Yawning barristers in court

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'