Legal Procedure Enthusiast Gifts

'You can plead 'guilty' or you can plead 'not guilty,' but you can't plead 'no problem.''

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

Violent Crime Statistics

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

Sue The Bastards

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

Lady Justice.

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Impartiality becomes you."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

Baby's first words.

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you marking your territory is legally binding in a boundary claim dispute."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

Two lawyers in a royal court