Postcard Pun Lover Pillows

"Bad news Darling, I'm going to be posted abroad"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

"You can always count on me."

"You've passed with extinction!"

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Just pick some. No one expects a postcard to reflect your personal aesthetic."

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Macho man body building club.

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

Pavement artist.

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."

"Valentine's Day has been good to me, but I had to diversify."

Insufficient Postage

Cold Callers!

'It's as I feared: you have got a novel in you.'

The reason you will never catch up with your paperwork is that late at night, in a nest of shredded manila folders, your most important files have babies.