Paper Pun Lover Pillows

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Man with desk organizers labelled 'Wheeling' and 'Dealing'.

Literate Dogs.

Hotness

Filing Trays.

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I can't log-on. Some-one disabled cookies."

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

'You give me goose bumps!'

Weather forecast

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

"Your four-o'clock is here."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

RIP John Le Carre

Larry's Literary Market.

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"