Newspaper Pun Enjoyer Pillows

Penetrating Pet Disguises...

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Snowman in hospital bed with snow globe I.V.

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Elephant and Castle

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

Weather forecast

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

The static electric eel is very rare.

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

'You give me goose bumps!'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

"No conifering, please."

Pavement artist.

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."

'It's as I feared: you have got a novel in you.'