Morning Pun Lover Pillows

'Wakey wakey Howard! Time to get up! You know what they say, the early bird gets the worm!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"Think about the honey."

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

A Brain Drain

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Literate Dogs.

Hotness

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I can't log-on. Some-one disabled cookies."

'You give me goose bumps!'

Weather forecast

The static electric eel is very rare.

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

"Your four-o'clock is here."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Larry's Literary Market.

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."