Current Pun Lover Pillows

Any messages while I was out? On. Off.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

Peach flirting with a banana.

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"Think about the honey."

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"You always said nothing would ever come between us."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'You tell me you're a sexual athlete and your first time at bat you strike out!'

'How 'bout you come back and say that to me in he spring?'

Hotness

Literate Dogs.

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I can't log-on. Some-one disabled cookies."

Weather forecast

The static electric eel is very rare.

'You give me goose bumps!'

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

"Your four-o'clock is here."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Larry's Literary Market.