Literal Pun Lover Pillows

"I told him he was punching out too hard. This time the time clock punched back."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"Think about the honey."

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Literate Dogs.

Hotness

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I can't log-on. Some-one disabled cookies."

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

'You give me goose bumps!'

Larry's Literary Market.

Hell's Schlegel

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

The Big Cheese

I'm starting to think you keep working on that thing just to avoid talking to me.

Pavement artist.

Hairy Potter.