Literal Pun Lover Pillows

"I told him he was punching out too hard. This time the time clock punched back."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Hotness

Literate Dogs.

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I can't log-on. Some-one disabled cookies."

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

Larry's Literary Market.

The static electric eel is very rare.

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Hell's Schlegel

'You give me goose bumps!'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

The Big Cheese

"Harry Potter and the chamber of obsolete electronics."

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."