Portlandia Fan Gifts

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

"Dangnabit, Wilson! Where's that big campfire I asked for?"

Too many of my babies became coats, so I decided to increase security...

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

'We should e-mail this and point out that many of our victims were in key marginals...'

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

'Give you liberty or give you death? That's easy for you to say. You have nine lives.'

'Class, let's welcome Timmy, our Exchange Student, who's joining us for the next three weeks...'

"Sorry, Zak, since paintball aint bin invented yet, looks like you bin shot!"

Michelangelo's David

"Help! It's a sprawling epic!"

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Woman rating a man's performance with scorecards.

News - Panto stars to strike.

'You're going to have to stay confined to the bunkhouse for a week.'

Gunswinger

'I still say I should be at the REAR end, Rodney!'

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

Cupid fires an arrow into a football.

"This cream puff was owned by a little old lady who only settled on Sundays."

"I thought you said you played at the proms?"

"I reckon we've never met, but maybe you recognize my brother from last year's cattle drive!"

Ahhh! Now we got the IPCC by the balls!

"Honey, grab me a seal from the freezer will ya."

'Excuse me, coach - but are we the hugs or the kisses?'

"Aw, man, that's never coming out."

'Isn't that silly, Fluffy. The cowboy is talking to his horse.'

Nathan Hale has but one egret.

"They don't really say 'mooo'. It's more of a low, doleful, 'uuummmmggghhh'. Go ahead, try it."