Portfolio Worrier Gifts

Will your stocks recover soon? How refreshing you still have a sense of humour...

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

Things that go beep in the night.

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

I think I have a gilt complex.

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

No Action Comics

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

The Circle.

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"All I did was ask it if we'll ever collect Social Security and Medicare."

Energy Bills

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

'Talk about being scared straight...I just found out that being held back a grade is not an urban myth.'

"No, there's nothing wrong at my job. That's what's got me worried."

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

"I thought I'd done everything to get a decent pension..."

Credit Crunch.

Eye of needle fat cat size That'll do nicely.

'If my grades don't improve, I don't know what'll happen. Maybe they'll offer me a buyout.'

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."