Portfolio Review Gifts

Portfolio Pride

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"That was a rumor day."

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

Have you seen my money?

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'Are you looking for something in light blue, or dark blue, chips?'

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

First Little Piggy Investment Associates

'That's much better.'

'Every time I break one of my investment rules, I put $10 in the mistake jar. As of today, it's worth more than my portfolio.'

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

"Our credit rating has improved. There's a pre-approved credit card in the report."

Buy on the dip, ignore the blip, and sell before the bubble bursts.

"I'm adding some safe-haven assets to your portfolio...gold and Ozempic."