Portfolio Review T-Shirts

Portfolio Pride

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

"That was a rumor day."

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

Have you seen my money?

Financial Advisor to client: 'Your portfolio still could earn money if you believe in the existence of junk bond elves.'

"Writing that book was a real strain."

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

First Little Piggy Investment Associates

'Are you looking for something in light blue, or dark blue, chips?'

'That's much better.'

"I'm adding some safe-haven assets to your portfolio...gold and Ozempic."

Buy on the dip, ignore the blip, and sell before the bubble bursts.

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

'Every time I break one of my investment rules, I put $10 in the mistake jar. As of today, it's worth more than my portfolio.'

'Before we get started, I would like to thank our stockholder for coming tonight...'

"Our credit rating has improved. There's a pre-approved credit card in the report."